I'm tired....

I'm tired of always being strong. Of putting myself and my wants and needs at the bottom of the list. Of having to cry in the shower. Of making excuses why my husband backed out of yet another event or promise. Of tiptoeing around emotions. Of being yelled at and told how stupid and fat I am. Of having to choose between my husband andy family. Of having holidays ruined or just ignored. Of feeling anxious or scared whenever he's around. Of being jealous of happy couples. Of wondering what it would feel like to be loved or in love. Of not being important. Of living my life for everyone else's needs. Of putting on a happy face and saying "everything's fine". Because its not.