About Me

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Manhattan, Kansas, United States
I'm a 33 year old woman finding her own way in life, while being a mother of almost 7 yr old girl Angel, going to college full-time and working as many hours as i can to get by. I've lived in Kansas all my life growing up in SW and now living in The ne corner for 12 years. My ex is a medically-disabled/retired OIF/OEF veteran (TBI,PTSD) and my daughter is topping the scales on height and knowledge of her age. I'm just along for the ride sometimes :)

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Stressed much?

Whew this week has been horrible.  And whoever is holding that light at the end of the tunnel just keeps running further and further away.  My boyfriend and I had gotten into an argument Tuesday and it just tore me up. So bad that I had an anxiety attack on Thursday and had to stay home from school & work to try to stop hyperventilating pretty much.  Thank God for great friends B & D.  They're so much more than friends, their true family. B and I joke about being sisters and it really should be that way.  Thankfully tho, boyfriend and I made up and had a nice night Thursday.  But then he deployed this weekend 😢.  It still feels unreal; like I could still text him, or see him in a day or two instead of 6 months.  Still waiting for definite word he made it to his destination safely.  
Add to the stress, tomorrow starts Finals week.  And I'm a horrible procrastinator do haven't studied nearly as much as I should have.  Tests on Mon, Turs, Thurs and a huge paper due Wednesday by noon.  Which means tomorrow and Tuesday night I'll be writing furiously.  I'm exhausted mentally, spiritually, and physically.  I'm lucky that my mom decided to visit, and she's keeping munchkin occupied so that I can study.  
But I'm wearing myself waaaay too thin.  I just need to get through this week; get thru one day at a time.  Then I can breathe again for a short while.  

It's times like tonight that the world just seems to overwhelm me.  Like I can never do enough. Never catch up.  And it's hard to stay optimistic when life swerves like this.  But the main factor in everything is my little girl.  I'm trying to provide for her, and yeah life gets hard.  But it'll all be worth it in the end.  

Nothing worth having is easy.

I can't promise you it'll be easy. But it'll be worth it. 

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Deployment Day One

My boyfriend leaves for Africa today.  It's only a 6-month deployment, so not long thankfully.  It's kinda unreal tho still; like I expect him to be able to text me in the middle of the day, or stop by after work.  Thankfully, there's internet service in most places he'll be so we can stay in contact.  There's going to be a 6-week period where he'll be in another part of the continent where there is no contact. I'll most likely be pulling my hair out, hugging my phone, waiting for any sign from him.  
He pulled away; distanced himself before he left.  I stopped getting the sweet text messages, the excited to see you's...  He said it's normal for him, to distance himself emotionally from loved ones so that it makes the deployment easier on him.  And it makes sense.  He's got plenty of other stuff to be concerned with and I'm going to be waiting for him here, safe at home.  But I just wanted to spend every minute with him, hugging him, kissing him, protecting him from the world.  He did indulge me on Thursday with a cuddle fest, and my world felt right again.  I'll gladly wait for my man while he's gone.  Then smother him with kisses on that wonderful day he comes home :-)
Lord, give me strength to get through this and keep my heart from breaking from missing him.  Please let time fly by for these next 6 months, and keep my Danny-Boy safe under your watch. Amen.