About Me

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Manhattan, Kansas, United States
I'm a 33 year old woman finding her own way in life, while being a mother of almost 7 yr old girl Angel, going to college full-time and working as many hours as i can to get by. I've lived in Kansas all my life growing up in SW and now living in The ne corner for 12 years. My ex is a medically-disabled/retired OIF/OEF veteran (TBI,PTSD) and my daughter is topping the scales on height and knowledge of her age. I'm just along for the ride sometimes :)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Unfortunately, disappointment is one of those inevitable ways of life. You can't always have everything you want. Heck, even Lindsay Lohan goes to jail (snicker).

I've had lots of disappointments in my life. Most recently, I received a letter stating that I did not win my current dream job in insurance. However, I don't let me disappointments define me (most of the time). No, I didn't get my job; but this gives me time to get in the insurance classes I really do need before jumping headfirst into a claims job. When I was learning to play piano in grade school, Mrs. Wells' always told me that as long as you trudge on and pick the tune right back up when you make a mistake, no one will notice that you flubbed Chopin, Beethoven or Tchaikowsky. This was some of the best advice I could ever apply to my life. In school, I never wanted to be last- in anything. I would be disappointed when I got a B on a paper (devastaed at anything lower). Seeing those sub-par grades made me strive to do better next time. When I was a Freshman in High School, I was a fierce basketball competitor. (small and strong with sharp elbows is always a deadly combination) Long story short, the ball was headed for out-of-bounds and I dove for it; grabbed it just in time to throw it back and look face-first into the brick gym wall. Yep. Got knocked halfway through the first quarter. Did I mope and cry about it? (ok, so I did cry some. That really hurt!) After half-time, when the coach was sure I didn't have a concussion, I was right back in that game, as competitive as ever. I didn't let that one mishap scare me away from the game. Skip ahead to freshman at K-State. Came home for a weekend visit and was t-boned by an idiot woman going 80 mph. Fortunately, my brain blocked out the entire incident, so I can only go by what I'm told. But that didn't scare me from driving. In fact, a good road-trip is one of my absolute favorite things!

Yes, I'm competitive. Always have been, always will be. But I think that's one thing that helps push me through disappointments in life. And I'm proud to want to do the best I can. No, I don't always "win", but I use that disappointment and look for the silver lining. I learn from those failures and disappointments so that it Never. Happens. Again.

This brings me around to how parents are trying to raise the village lately. Dodgeball is forbidden to be played for grade school P.E. class (too violent), t-ball is no longer being scored (they don't want anyone to be labeled as "loser"), a parent can't so much as threaten to tap their kids on the butt when they misbehave, let alone actually SPANK them (gasp! such cruelty will scar them for life!), and kids are getting passed to the next grade in school- even if they DON'T know the necessary skills to read and write, just so that no one feels like a failure. I'm almost surprised they haven't done away with P.E. altogether; afterall, we can't have our "babies" be tired! ARGH!!! I absolutely loathe all this coddling that is being done. If you completely shield your children from LIFE and it's disappointments, how the heck do you expect them to live ON THEIR OWN when they're grown??? These spoiled brats are going to graduate high school, expect their parents to pay for everything until they graduate college, and just EXPECT to land whatever dream job they want. After all, no one has ever told them or showed them that they. might. not. Oh, how the suicide rate will go up once this generation gets into real life and realizes that life is not a bowl full of Jell-o.

Like all moms, I don't want my daughter to have to face disappointment. But at the same time, I know she will and plan on being right there to help her work through it. And, of course, push her to do better and encourage that wonderful competitive streak she inherited from her daddy and me :)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Happy Birthday Angel!

My baby turned 4 years old at 6:45am today. She's so ultimately excited to be 4. I'm so ultimately depressed that she's not my little tiny baby that I can cuddle whenever I want.
My mom (Gramma!) was able to come up for Angel's big party this year. Angel was super-excited just to have Gramma here (I was also excited, knowing that I'd have help getting the house ready!). Had way too much food, but had a couple hours of wonderful company. Angel got some awesome gifts out of the deal -- Princess Sleeping bag (that she wouldn't relinquish come bedtime), a new Leapster 2 (since hers quit and can't find the receipt), Veggietales movies (Thank you Lord for finding some way to introduce you and your messages through cartoons). Those were all from other people! Miss Molly went way over the top when she got the leapster for Angel. I'll kick her in the rear later. Right now, I'm still in shock and awe that she'd spend $50 on a kid that she's not related to. :)
Of course, I'm getting all weepy and sentimental about the grand age of 4. Wanting to go through old photos and such. Maybe even finish up her scrapbook about the first year of her life. She was born in July and I've got complete finished pages to December. Then, kinda mismatched until March. (sigh) Maybe I'll finish it by the time she graduates. College.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


First off, I'm not usually the type to always want the bigger, better, faster, whatever. But I've become pretty restless at my current job. Nothing new to learn and the workload is dwindling, which translates into a very boring day for me. I've never been one to like sitting on my tush and getting paid to do nothing. Chalk it up to my farm-raised work-ethic.

So I was browsing through my companies job openings about 3 weeks ago and saw a postition opening in the NW part of the state. I'd be about an hour closer to my mom and in a smaller town (but not a whole lot smaller). It intrigued me, but only for a little while. Checked the openings about a week later and lo-and-behold, there was another opening (same job) but in the S Central part of the state - about 1 1/2 hours from home! I haven't been able to get it out of my head since.

I'm a firm believer in fate and that our loved ones who have passed have a heavy hand on what cards we get dealt. I think my daddy is trying to point me in the right direction from up in heaven right now (as he seems to do from time to time, just when I need and miss him the most). This job would allow me to work very closely with the local farming community in about 4 counties of small towns. I've always loved that I grew up on a farm in a small town, but I'm not quite cut out to run the farming operation myself. Heck, I don't even know how to change the oil in my car (thanks to my over-protective and loving daddy and brothers). This would be a way that I COULD be in constant contact with the local farmers. Also, Angel would grow up in a small community, like I was and want for her. Oh, and did I mention that it would MORE THAN DOUBLE my annual pay I'm getting now? I could live on this salary without a raise for the rest of my life and be content. I'd feel like we were hitting the danged lottery!

I'm not sure if it was my Confident, Fearless Woman personality or my Tired of Settling spirit that took over, but I have submitted my application for said job in the South Central. And now, I'm worrying endlessly about it. There's just too many uncertainties in my life. IF I get the job, IF we have to buy a new house, IF we get approved for a loan for a new house, IF we have to get a huge truck to move, IF I can't find great daycare/preschool for Angel, IF I'm underqualified and overwhelmed, IF we can't make new friends. Then, on the flip side- IF I don't get the job, IF I'm going to be miserable staying in my current job, IF my boss finds out I want a different job and that jeopardizes my job, IF another opportunity ever comes up again like this. UGH!!!

Talking to some people, I'm SOOO perfect for this job (need some more insurance schooling, but I've been knocking that out quickly already) and considering who I may be competing against for it - I have a really really good chance of actually getting it! Either it'll be locals applying (who have absolutely no experience in insurance or at least the computer system we use), or there's not a whole lot of people who'd be willing to relocate to the country for the job. But then, of course, Doubting Sally takes over and I keep thinking how I don't have field experience (only behind the desk and over the phone) and how there are sooo many classes I have to take to be considered an expert.

So anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on and on about a potential changing point in my families life. I do really really really really hope I get this job. I want it sooooo bad. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

Monday, July 5, 2010


So I realize that I haven't been a very good blogger -- I swear there's been stuff to write about over the last 2 months! I just haven't made time for it. So, here's the short version:
1. Disney World in April sans baby girl was awesome! Only took about 3 days of our 7 day vacation to realize she wasn't with us -- kept looking for our blonde-headed rebel running around! And don't even say how horrible we are for not bringing our over-excitable 3 year old with us. She was at Gramma's and that in itself is a theme park - two fort/swingsets, chickens, a puppy, cows up the road, acres of lawn to run around in, a swimming pool and hot tub, movies and snacks unlimited, and cousins to play with.

2. I have passed my INS section! Yes, it is insurance classes and I now have an Associate in Insurance Services according to AICPCU school. Now I'm just waiting on that $225 bonus on my next check -- just in time for Angel's 4th birthday!

3. I've been doing a lot of christian parenting books. I love their advice and am taking some of it to heart and practice already. Being AVAILABLE to your kids, makes them realize that they are important to you. :) So I've been more available, which means less access to the internet.

4. Angel spent another long weekend (i.e. Wednesday through Monday) at Grammas over Memorial weekend while we went to Chicago (disgusting, crime-y, expensive, unfriendly city) for the 23rd Annual Bull-Shooters Tournament. Hubby came out 8th/9th place in Mens' singles 501. Pretty darn good since there were over 500 to start with and also this is a WORLD-CLASS tournament. Seriously. Jason lost to a guy from Portugal. Oh, and at the same hotel, same weekend, was a high school quiz bowl tournament (about 300 geeky, awkward teens) and also -- wait for it -- an S&M festival in the basement. Yes, as in whips, chains, dominatrix, weird sex stuff. No, we did NOT wander down there, but the high schoolers kept trying to catch a glimpse of the action (good thing for the security hahaha)

5. Last weekend in June, my daycare lady, Ms TC was going to be gone the Thurs, Fri and following Monday. So what did Angel do you ask? Why, Gramma came to the rescue again! (yes, she does have a cape hidden under that Christopher Banks sweater) While Angel was gone, I did some loooong overdue housecleaning. I cleaned the master bath, living room, kitchen, laundry room. And had our dumpster/trashcan full plus about 4 trashbags and a busted shelf. No, we didn't really have that much "trash" just laying around, but papers, broken toys, almost empty shampoo bottles, etc. Also "freecycled" a 30-gallon bag of Angels clothes, another one of my clothes, another equivalent of one in toys, cans of juice Angel won't drink, videos. Tell you what, after all that, I felt like I wasn't doing anything when my trashcan this morning was almost empty when I put it by the curb.

6. I have formulated a new game-plan for losing weight. www.myfitnesspal.com is an AWESOME and FREE website that helps you track exercise and calories eaten. It knows Ev.ery.thing. about calories, whether you eat at McDonalds, home-made, or frozen meal. It found my frozen/nuked Tai Pei Pepper Beef I had for lunch and automatically entered the calories, fat, protein, etc so that I DIDN"T HAVE TO!! Same for exercises! Then compares your goal calories, fat, protein with how much you ate/exercised in order to lose weight. Granted, I'm not doing that great yet. But I DID manage to survive 45 minutes of Jillian Micheal's circuit-training exercise video for the first time on Saturday! (Couldn't hardly move on Sunday though.) I've only made it almost half-way before so was super proud of myself.

7. My family survived the 4th of July celebration. Hubby has PTSD from an overseas deployment so booms, smell of gunpowder in the air, and bright flashes of light are NOT the most relaxing for him. But all 3 of us loaded up in the van and went down to Cico Park to watch the cities display. Angel wasn't scared (not really - she'd play it up to "hide" behind one of us) and Jason held it together. Think it helped that Angel needed her daddy to be big and strong and brave when she couldn't be. :) And even though it rained all day on the 4th, Angel and I made some Independence Day crafts that turned out super-cute! Especially the glue/glitter on black construction paper fireworks! With glue, draw fireworks patterns on the black construction paper (night sky). You know, the spider type pattern they make when they first explode? Then you take glitter and shake it onto the glue-fireworks. Super Super Super Cute!!

Well, that's the last couple months in a nutshell. Hopefully be back to normal blogging schedule soon! Enjoy your summer!!!