About Me

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Manhattan, Kansas, United States
I'm a 33 year old woman finding her own way in life, while being a mother of almost 7 yr old girl Angel, going to college full-time and working as many hours as i can to get by. I've lived in Kansas all my life growing up in SW and now living in The ne corner for 12 years. My ex is a medically-disabled/retired OIF/OEF veteran (TBI,PTSD) and my daughter is topping the scales on height and knowledge of her age. I'm just along for the ride sometimes :)

Saturday, January 22, 2011


Has anyone else gone through a stage of annoyance? I don't know what's different lately, but I'm downright Annoyed with almost everything. People, my animals, the fact that the dishwasher doesn't always clean the dishes... I really think I need to join a kickboxing class just to get these frustrations out. It'd probably be more beneficial than my current state of grrrr. The things that are really pushing my limits are the following:

1. I didn't get my job I applied for. They offered it to someone that had more experience. Ok, so I can't disagree with that option, but it doesn't mean that I have to like it.

2. My daughter's alternating independent/clingy stage. You just can NOT make a 180 on attitude that quickly without a written warning and signed consent.

3. Stress of doing well on my 13 hrs of college classes, along with my final insurance class to acquire my Associates of Underwriting. Also, I thought I *lost* my Biology textbook and went crazy going through the house looking for it. Turns out, I never did order it. :/

4. My crazy, almost-presentable-but-still-disaster-zone-lurking house. For the most part, it's presentable (no rotting food or trash all over) but not anywhere near what I would like it to be. I just don't have enough hours in the day to do the housework I want to -- between working 40 hours a week, studying, spending time with Angel and Jason, trying to exercise -- something's gotta give. If I exercise, then I have to take that time away from studying. Need to spend 2 hours doing laundry? Then I can't go to Dart League on Wednesday.... Granted, Jason's been trying his best to help keep things picked up, but he doesn't take initiative and vacuum the carpets or sweep/mop the kitchen.... maybe in time.

5. I've been hanging around empathetic, emotional people for too long. I have lost touch with my inner Bitch. I miss her. She didn't care about others' opinions, and looked out for her own success and failures before others. I really do hate to hear other people gripe and complain about their life, when they're not going to do anything to improve it. Hate your job? Apply for new ones. Not getting enough sleep? Go to bed earlier! Something pains you? See a dang doctor and follow their advice! Lonely? Go out on a date or out with friends. Otherwise --- PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND STOP THE WHINING!!! Whining gets you absolutely nowhere -- except on my nerves.

Well, maybe now I won't be so annoyed. Ok, so maybe I will. But every woman is entitled to getting pissy once in a while, right?? Well, too bad if you don't think so. I'm letting my inner Bitch have free reign for a while. If your feelings get hurt because you take this personal, then you really don't know me well enough. I'm going to say what's on my mind without cutting corners or making it all soft and comfy for you. Man-up or Get out.

Have a quality day!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

4-Year old mood swings.

O.M.Geeeee! I don't know if anyone else out there has the same problem I do, but I'm going crazy!! My darling four year old daughter has mood swings worse than my brain-injured husband! Granted, it keeps life entertaining I guess...

For example, she's in the "I'll do it!" stage. But she's not mature enough to handle disappointment well (like when she can't master a move on the Wii). Then she screams and cries hysterically until you help her. It's like a dang Tsunami crashing over your poor little love shack on the beach. (I've always wanted a love shack on the beach -- sounds so wonderfully seedy and made for a smut book).

Another example is how clingy she's suddenly gotten!! I can't go into another room without her following me. Yes, I am flattered -- TO A POINT! There are also times when I'd like to tinkle or talk on the phone without a shadow asking me what I'm doing. Or take a shower without someone saying "My boobies will get that big when I'm older!". Don't even suggest shutting the door b/c our master bathroom HAS no door. She cries when I leave her at daycare, she cries when I go out for dart league, she cries in the morning when I wake her up (because we're not staying home).

I have been trying to spend more quality time with her and that's helped -- but very minimally. I've tried being the Tough Parent. Didn't help either of us. I'm at my wits end on this one.... I guess it's just another stage that she'll have to overcome! Exit, Stage Left!!

At a Crossroads...

Ah, that proverbial fork in the road...Yes, folks, I am THERE! And ultimately, I'm putting my fate in others' hands. God of course, has a huge hand in this, but I'm talking about smaller, more local hands.

I have applied and interviewed for a different job within the company. Interview went good, but it's been a week with no news!!! I know they're done interviewing (because of my sneaky, super-sleuthy way of asking the receptionist) and so they've GOT to be making a decision. This will get me out of my miserable job (which I don't want to waste keystrokes describing right now) and into an exciting, fast-paced position. Oh, and the pay would pretty much be DOUBLE what I make now.

I've talked this over with my hubby and we've decided NOT to force me to be unhappy for long. Either 1) I get this new and super-awesome job and stay working...OR...2) I am going to quit this summer and then go back to college full time in the Fall. Both are winning options to me, with their own pros/cons.

But I HATE the unexpected; the butterflies in my stomach. They said that they should make up their mind by the end of Last Week! It's now the following Wednesday and I'm gall-darned pissed off!! I don't know if I even want the job now! -- no, wait -- I'm lying. I really really do want this job! LOL

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Crazy, Hectic life...

So, as much as I love Christmas and the idea of the New Year (fresh start, best day to begin improving yourself, etc), I despise all the commotion and constant go-go-go motion we're in. For the better part of a month, either we've all traveled somewhere, had celebrations to attend, had invitations to go out with friends, and so on. Don't get me wrong, I had a wonderful time during all this!! I just need my downtime to recharge once in a while; and my batteries have been trying to quit for about 2 weeks LOL.

It wasn't until this weekend, when I told Angel that her and I (Hubby's at a dart tournament) wouldn't go anywhere at all this weekend, that we'd just stay home, that I realized she hated the constant plans also. On Saturday night, when I was tucking her in, she asked what we'd do the next day. I said that we'd stay at home all day long -- and she literally cheered! She wooped it up and said that she LOVES staying home! hmmm.... made me take a look at my own hectic life.

1) I work full-time, at a job that I am less enthusiastic for. Actually, it's the boss lady that I'm unenthusiastic about. A dictator that has little training in human resource skills, that is threatened by my own advances, and very obviously gives special favors towards her friends and punishes others. When I started at this job 2 years ago, I felt excited everytime I pulled into the parking lot. Within the last 6 months, I've been dreading it -- actually getting a sick feeling in my stomach. So, I have applied for a different job within the company. Had a really good interview on Monday and now am just playing the waiting game. Which brings a whole different nervous-sick feeling to my tummy LOL.

2) I'm a Mom. Let's face it, that's a whole 'nother job in itself! Trying to clean house, cook, tackle laundry, keep 3 cats and a gaggle of fish alive and happy, take care of my daughter, manage my husbands Dr. schedule and moodswings, organize/downsize my belongings (I've joined PackRats Anonymous), my cross-stitch and sewing projects, the multitude of community service projects I want to do... Well, that's a full day right there! Crammed into only a couple hours each weekday. Oh, and add in sick days, and there's no time for ME! Well, I guess I have 45 minutes at lunchtime during the week. If only I didn't need to use that time for.....

3) I'm going back to school. I am enrolled in a local community college online, and taking 13 hours worth of classes. 4 classes -- Accounting, MacroEcon, Human Development, Biology. All need to be completed by mid-May, which gives me approximately 4 months. I really think I may have stepped in over my head on this one. Granted, I have already taken the first 3 (then had to quit school for personal reasons so never passed them) so I do have that working for me. But I wasn't quite realistic on finding study time for these classes.

Angel has her sticker chart (which is working wonderfully on helping me out and behaving!!) and so I've decided I'm going to need to make up a printed Schedule/chart for my own use. Dividing out the chores that need done and marking times that I *have* to study uninterrupted. Erma Bombeck would be proud. :) If I land this new job, there's possibilities of me traveling to different areas of Kansas in times of heavy claims, so that'd throw a whole new wrench into schedules.

But you know, I think I'm up for it. After all, I'm a Mom. And Mom's can do anything! (right?)