About Me

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Manhattan, Kansas, United States
I'm a 33 year old woman finding her own way in life, while being a mother of almost 7 yr old girl Angel, going to college full-time and working as many hours as i can to get by. I've lived in Kansas all my life growing up in SW and now living in The ne corner for 12 years. My ex is a medically-disabled/retired OIF/OEF veteran (TBI,PTSD) and my daughter is topping the scales on height and knowledge of her age. I'm just along for the ride sometimes :)

Saturday, November 23, 2013

One last try?

I tell you what, dating again is friggin HARD!  And then throw the single mom aspect in the mix and it's dang near impossible!  First, finding a guy who is interested. Next, finding a guy who is ok with me being a mom, and not as spontaneous as a single person should be.  Last, finding babysitters so I can actually leave the house! Lol.  But the last part is actually the easiest.  
I have a bad "picker" as my best friends dad puts it.  I think it's just that I have a picker that can find the guys that want to play games and cheat and lie.  You'd think I'd learn not to believe every word out of their mouths, and to stop trying so hard to find the good in them. 
But hopefully, that's all past me now.  I let Papa Bear pick for me. Actually, it was a blind date that I didn't know about until minutes before the guy showed up!!  Thank goodness I decided to shave my legs that evening lol!!!  D was super nice and cute to boot.  And he seems genuinely interested in me also.  We only had a week to spend together before he left for schooling 19 hours away.  He comes home next week. That'll be a full month apart.  But we've been texting regularly (his phone doesn't get service where he's at so no talking).  With this forced space between us, it's kinda making us discover if we can get along without any physical aspect involved. We already know there is a physical connection. Heh heh.   And he seems to be just as excited to see me as I am him.  
Here's the problem.
He's saying super sweet things to me. Constantly.  And now he's hinting about things we'd do together in the future.  Don't get me wrong! I want all that, and I want it to come true.   But I'm falling for him hard.  Fact is, I've already fallen.  But I think he's still leaning away from the edge.  I am trying to remember just to enjoy myself, enjoy our relationship.  But two things: I have fallen for fake words and empty promises before. There's a part of me being a cynical skeptic and thinking he's just blowing smoke up my ass.  The second part: it hurts to think he doesn't care as much about me.  I've never been one to hold my tongue or keep emotions bottled up.  And I'm going to embarrass the hell out of both of us if I let that dreaded L word slip.  And most likely chase the best guy I've met away, because he has expressed how he wants to take it slow.  It's one thing to live someone, but another if that love isn't reflected back.  
So I'm biding my time and going to force myself to remember to just enjoy it.  If it lasts, I could eventually have a lifetime of happiness.  If it doesn't, I'll be heartbroken.  But I'll still be alive and I've always got my little munchkin.  
God bless. 

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